The Daily Jolt - Hangover Help Anonymous

Hangover Help Anonymous

The following is a list tips to prevent, recover from, or how to rate your hangover. If TCNJ has any favorite cures that you think work really well, Let us know!

Rate your Hangover!

1 star hangover *

No pain. No real feeling of illness.. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel this way. Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a side of fries.

2 star hangover **

No pain. Something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler. The coffee you chug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full on English breakfast. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels and even though you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.

3 star hangover ***

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely a space cadet and so not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a litre of coke watching Good Morning with Richard and Judy. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage Rolls and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't pee'd once.

4 star hangover ****

You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might honk. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving,(girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars),your teeth have sweaters, your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Moss side secondary school circa 19'76.

You would give a weeks pay for one the following -

1. Home time
2. A duvet and someone to be alone.
3. a time machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.

5 star hangover *****

You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits next to you. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pour and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. You'd cry but that would take the last of the moisture left in your body. Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe... very gently.

Unofficial College Remedies

Cut up an un-peeled cucumber into small pieces, then sprinkle with two teaspoons of salt. Drink several spoonfuls of the resulting liquid.

Juice of two lemons
1 teaspoon mustard powder
Mix the mustard with the lemon juices and drink in one hit.

Mix cornflower with buttermilk in a pot, then heat until almost boiling point. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

If you have a beer hangover, fill a glass halfway with tomato juice, then top it up with beer.

Sitting with an ice-pack on your head and your feet in hot water claims to relieve the throbbing head and many other hangover symptoms. (although your roommate may think you look a little odd).

Mix one can of tomato juice with half a cup of lemon juice, salt and pepper and a celery stick. Drink.

If you have a vodka hangover, mix one part vodka with two to six parts tomato juice (the amount of tomato juice is determined by the ferocity of your hangover). Add dash of Worcestershire sauce. Serve with very thin slice of lemon floating on top.

If you wake up in bed with someone, and willing, perform the sexual act as vigorously as you can. The exercise will do you good and you'll feel toned up emotionally.

Large amounts of Vitamin C take in large amounts, before you begin drinking, can have a dramatic reduction on your hangover. (Although, it makes your urine turn a bright yellow -- rather disconcerting).

Mix together vinegar and raw eggs - then gulp down in one hit.

Put a raw egg, yolk unbroken, into a cup with liberal quantities of Worcestershire sauce. For speedy relief, gulp the mixture in one go, making sure the egg does not break until it reaches the back of your throat. This will take away nausea.

Tall glass of lemon juice and fructose mixed together.

To prevent a hangover, don't let yourself get dehydrated. Before you go to bed, drink as much water as you have had alcohol. If you wake up and you're still groggy or feeling nauseous, honey is a great source of concentrated simple sugar.

Scientific Remedies

How Stuff Works: Hangover Remedies

Hangover Review

Of course, we don't actually hold any official medical degree. So we can't really back any of this up with paperwork or anything. Props to the UMaine Jolt.